Flogging the Quill

Flogometer 1172 for John —will you be moved to turn the page?

Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.

The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.

Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.

What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.

Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist (PDF here)

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

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A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.

---

John sends the first chapter of an untitled science fiction story. The rest of the chapter is after the break. Remember to focus on writing craft regardless of genre. This might not be a genre for you, but you can surely judge the strengths of the opening page.

Missy, the wife of my bosom, didn't begin life as a Missy. Her parents being folks of a romantic, imaginative nature, she started out as something dubbed Minsterwood; but no one, not even her parents, ever called her by that name. No, it was always Mincie, or Minnie, and she tells me that an old, far too clever boyfriend experimented with Woody and Woods. More than anything, she says, that made her first decide to eventually cast him into the outer darkness.

I laugh at that story whenever she repeats it, and remind her that life has blessed her, ever and finally, with only one old boyfriend: Guy Landis. That is to say, me.

On a Friday evening in our stateroom aboard the former asteroid now known as the ISS Tascheter, we have resumed this familiar, playful conversation. Granted, you can often find us in a familiar, playful conversation of some kind. But because the crew has lifted the booze-ration lid for the next several hours, Missy and I have just poured the first of our Lower Manhattans -- a tipple of our own devising, with bourbon and Campari at its heart -- and the evening's playfulness has just begun. Several old pals from past revels about the ship are scheduled to arrive within the next hour or two, and we look forward to much more laughter, and much bending of elbows and ears.

(Such, anyway, is our fantasy of the moment. But when you're in our line of work -- poking our noses into places where they're not wanted -- who knows what adventures might lie ahead?)

On the positive side, the voice is clear and likeable, and the writing is as well. You can have confidence in this writer . . . to a point. The point where confidence wanes is when we finish the first page with nary a story question raised, no sense of tension, no reason to wonder what will happen next. We have a nicely done introduction to the protagonist and can anticipate that a party will be happening, but that’s about it. As readers, we may suspect that this tranquil moment, or the party, will be shattered by events to come, but they’re not here in time. The only thing I found of real interest is that they are on a "former" asteroid. But that's hardly story. In my view, this whole chapter is nothing more than setup. The real story starts later. Show us that page, John. Your thoughts?

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Submitting to the Flogometer:

Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):

1. your title
2. your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
3. Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
4. Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
5. And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
6. If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
7. If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.

Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.

Flogging the Quill © 2022 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2022 by John.

---

My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

 

Flogometer 1171 for Sharon —will you be moved to turn the page?

Submissions sought. Get fresh eyes on your opening page. Submission directions below.

The Flogometer challenge: can you craft a first page that compels me to turn to the next page? Caveat: Please keep in mind that this is entirely subjective.

Note: all the Flogometer posts are here.

What's a first page in publishingland? In a properly formatted novel manuscript (double-spaced, 1-inch margins, 12-point type, etc.) there should be about 16 or 17 lines on the first page. Directions for submissions are below—they include a request to post the rest of the chapter, but that’s optional.

Before you rip into today’s submission, consider this checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass,, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist (PDF here)

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

A reminder of what you’re after here. This blog is about crafting compelling openings. Not interesting, compelling. Why does it have to meet that hurdle? First, if your work is going to an agent, you’re competing with hundreds of submissions. You have to cut through that clutter and competition with powerful storytelling and strong writing. If it’s a reader browsing in a bookstore or online, the same goes—there are scores of published books competing with yours. Yeah, you need compelling.

---

Sharon sends the first chapter of BJ’s Story. The rest of the chapter is after the break. Remember to focus on writing craft regardless of genre. This might not be a genre for you, but you can surely judge the strengths of the opening page.

Virgil awoke late at night to find his wife gone. He kicked off the sweaty bed sheet, box springs squeaked when he sat up. A steady breeze, weighed down with humidity, carried the vanillalike fragrance of Joe Pye weed and the faint sound of laughter through an open window.

He stood behind fluttering white sheers and watched Marie trot across the back yard, her long black curls bouncing with each footfall. The opaque security light above the barn doors cast an eerie pallor on the limbs of an elm tree draped with Spanish moss. He noticed her belly, in the narrow space between her shirt and shorts, seemed rounder than normal. He lazily scratched his ass, wondered what the hell she’s doing.

A man stepped out of the shadows, and drew her into an embrace. They kissed for a moment, then entered the barn.

Marie came back out. She turned her head from side to side, looked up. Virgil leaned back without thinking.

The man clasped her hand. “C’mere, baby.” He brought a shiny metal flask to his lips and took a long swig.

She giggled again. “Gimme some.”

“Sh! Not yet.” He pulled her into the barn, loosely swung one door shut, the other already latched at the top.

This opening page is strong with story questions, plenty to make me wonder what will happen next. The scene is well set, so we know the context of the action.

There are little issues with tense here and there, and the staging left out the man coming back out of the barn—that really should be there. There’s a little head-hopping in the chapter that follows, but the story moves well and keeps its tension. The little glitches are easily fixed with an edit, so it works for me. Your thoughts?

Tweet

Submitting to the Flogometer:

Email the following in an attachment (.doc, .docx, or .rtf preferred, no PDFs):

1. your title
2. your complete 1st chapter or prologue plus 1st chapter
3. Please include in your email permission to post it on FtQ.
Note: I’m adding a copyright notice for the writer at the end of the post. I’ll use just the first name unless I’m told I can use the full name.
4. Also, please tell me if it’s okay to post the rest of the chapter so people can turn the page.
5. And, optionally, include your permission to use it as an example in a book on writing craft if that's okay.
6. If you’re in a hurry, I’ve done “private floggings,” $50 for a first chapter.
7. If you rewrite while you wait for your turn, it’s okay with me to update the submission.

Were I you, I'd examine my first page in the light of the first-page checklist before submitting to the Flogometer.

Flogging the Quill © 2022 Ray Rhamey, excerpt © 2022 by Sharon.

---

My books. You can read sample chapters and learn more about the books here.

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.

 

A new way to sell your stories

Have you heard about Kindle Vella? It's an Amazon platform where you can read episodes from stories and novels. Each "episode" is similar to a chapter in a novel--but a short one. Most of the episodes I've looked at are about 1500 to 2000 words long. Instead of book covers, you see circular graphics for the stories like this one.

The first two episodes of any story are free, after that you can buy "tokens" for reading more. A 2000-word episode costs 20 tokens. There are various amounts of tokens you can buy, but one is 200 tokens for $1.99. You can also get 250 tokens for free when you first sign up--I received a promotional email that doubled that number. You can buy larger blocks of tokens for slightly less.

The royalty you receive from readers who spend their tokens on your story is minuscule, but my research shows that Kindle pays bonuses just for posting episodes, though I don't know how to calculate what they might be. One writer earns several hundred dollars per week.

I'm going to try Vella for a couple of my novels and will inform you here of when an episode is posted. I'm thinking two episodes per week, about 2000 words each.

You can learn more and sign up here. If you have an Amazon account, that's all you need to sign up for Vella. I assume that creating an Amazon account if you don't have one is required.

So check it out, and expect to see me there soon.

For what it's worth,

Ray

On the road again

I'm out of the office for a few days, will resume blogging on Friday.

Meanwhile, here's a plug for one of my novels, The Summer Boy. It's set on a ranch in Texas where I worked one summer when a junior in high school. Here are a few quotes from readers:

"A darn good read. Pacing was good, story questions abounded, tension was always present, ebbing and flowing and keeping the reader off guard."

"The tension begins on page one and escalates, breathlessly, until the final, deadly confrontation. There are no slow parts, no boring middle, just a steady ratcheting of the stakes for these believable, likeable characters."

"The story is alive. I kept reading even when my eyes were closing at night."

"Wow . . . the tension never ended and it seemed to come from all directions. I spent the day reading as I couldn't stop."

Here's the blurb.

The air was as still as it was hot-only the whir of a grasshopper's flight troubled the quiet. Jesse felt like an overcooked chicken, his meat darn near ready to fall off his bones. Mouth so dry he didn't have enough spit left to swallow, Jesse croaked, "That guy tryin' to kill us?"

Turns out the answer is "not yet." A ranch hand is murdered and bad things start happening to Jesse, just an average kid working on a ranch the summer of 1958.

And then there's Lola . . . the boss's daughter is a firecracker of a girl, and her bold ways send death their way. It will take all of their heart and courage to survive.

To check it out on Amazon, click here.

Later,

Ray

A fun read: At Any Cost

This is a shout-out for a novel by one of my editing clients, Renee Chapman. This is an urban fantasy that creates the world for a fun mystery--I really liked the characters and the story they create. Renee is a strong writer and tells good tales. Check it out on Amazon--the Kindle is 99 cents and worth a lot more, IMO. To check At Any Cost out, click here.

Here's the description:

Private Investigator Curt D’Accio was hired by wolf-shifter Russell Chandler to track his wayward half-sister down and convince her to return home. After weeks of chasing Tabitha’s boat wake, he found her. And a boatload of animosity toward her family. Undaunted, Curt persevered, and Tabitha eventually agrees to return with him.

Curt barely survives the ambush outside their hotel. Who attacked them? Why? The police are stymied: no motive, no leads, no suspects, and their case quickly goes cold. Curt refuses to give up, determined to find the answers and the one responsible for her murder.

But he is pitted against a cunning adversary who thinks of others only as pawns, disposable chess pieces. Curt’s search will illuminate a long-buried secret and the dark heart of a killer that will do anything to keep it hidden. It will also cost him more than he ever expected.

Flog a BookBubber 412-PJ Skinner—does this first page work for you?

In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free books still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.

Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.

Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.

When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

Here is the opening of the first novel in the Sam Harris Adventure Boxset (three novels). A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.

Calderon, Sierramar 1996

The rain poured down on Calderon, obscuring the El Grande volcano which loomed over the capital of Sierramar, throwing a heavy shadow of doom over the city. Every time Sam Harris landed at Calderon airport, she wondered why people lived on the slopes of an active volcano. On each occasion, she dismissed her fears of an eruption, reasoning it would not happen while she lived there, an irrational belief at odds with her geological knowledge.

Outside the airport terminal, the usual gaggle of taxi drivers fought over the tourists, desperate for their gringo-based fares into Calderon. Sam held tight to her trolley and stood on tiptoe to avoid their pleas. A high-pitched shriek parted the taxi drivers like the Red Sea, and a brightly coloured tornado whisked her up in a tight, perfumed hug.

‘You’re here. I can’t believe it,’ said Gloria, fat tears of joy leaking down her cheeks, taking globs of mascara with them.

‘If you cry, I shall leave again,’ said Sam.

She squeezed her friend with real affection and then released her with fake efficiency. ‘Now, where’s David?’

‘He’s over there in the car.’

‘By himself?’ said Sam. Gloria shrugged. Sam headed for Gloria’s car, pushing her (snip)

You can read more here. This earned 4.6 stars on Amazon. I chose this set of three because it’s great to buy three novels for 99 cents—if, that is, it looks like good reading. While this opening page gives a good sense of setting, what else is there? The character arrives and meets a friend. That’s it. Nothing to make me wonder what happens next? We need for the protagonist to have to do something more strenuous and fraught than hugging. Your thoughts?

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown More than 600 free ebooks given away.

Flog a BookBubber 411-Paul Levine—does this first page work for you?

In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books from BookBub. The challenge is if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.

Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.

Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.

When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

Here is the opening of Bum Luck. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.

Thirty seconds after the jury announced its verdict, I decided to kill my client.

Or maybe it was quicker than that. Maybe there was an instantaneous firing of neurons and synapses, or whatever ignites sparks in my bourbon-pickled brain.

Did I mention the pounding headache? The thud of a pile driver ramming caissons into my cranium? I could barely hear the judge over the echoes.

“Has the jury reached a verdict?”

“We have, Your Honor.”

The clerk will publish the verdict.”

We, the jury, find the defendant, Marcus Thurston, not guilty of murder in the second degree.”

Yeah, him. Marcus “Thunder” Thurston, All-Pro running back for the Miami Dolphins. Charged with pumping five bullets into his wife. Now free to carry a football . . . and a nine-millimeter Glock, if he so desired. Hearing the verdict, and perhaps a chorus of cheerleaders singing, Thurston clopped me on the shoulder. An affectionate but hearty clop you might use for chopping wood. If I didn’t tip the scales at 240 pounds, I might have toppled face-first onto the defense table.

“Way to go, bro!” Thunder smacked me again.

You can read more here. This earned 4.4 stars on Amazon. For me, this opening checks off a number of the items in my First Page Checklist. Start with a strong, engaging voice, and compound that with a killer (pun intended) opening line about killing his client. Story questions zoom up from that, and only a page-turn will tell us why? Will he do it? What are the consequences? What happens next? Your thoughts?

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown More than 600 free ebooks given away.

Flog a BookBubber 410-Jess Ryder—does this first page work for you?

In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books from BookBub. The challenge is if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.

Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.

Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.

When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

Here is the opening of The Second Marriage. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.

‘Lily, will you marry me?’

He was down on one knee, holding out a tiny black box, the lid hinged open. A beautiful diamond ring was wedged into a white satin cushion. I let out a gasp and put my hand to my chest. Edward looked up at me, smiling. The corners of his mouth and eyes were etched with fine laughter lines. His grey hair shone in the candlelight like polished steel.

‘Well?’

The other diners had put down their forks and were watching us openly, nodding and smiling like we were part of the evening’s entertainment.

I hadn’t seen the proposal coming, even though he’d told me to dress up for the evening and brought me to one of the most expensive restaurants in Soho. Not even the bottle of vintage champagne had given the game away. I wasn’t used to love moving so fast. My previous boyfriend had taken seven years to decide I wasn’t the one for him, but Edward had made up his mind after as many months.

‘Please say something,’ he said. ‘This is getting embarrassing.’

‘Yes, yes, of course I’ll marry you.’

His eyes lit up and his shoulders dropped. The whole restaurant burst into applause.

‘I didn’t realise we had an audience,’ he said, blushing.

You can read more here. This earned 4.2 stars on Amazon. I have a two-word reaction to this opening page: “ho” and “hum.” It’s a sweet scene, but there’s no tension. He proposes, she accepts. No worries shown. No problem or issue for her to deal with. No reason to turn the page.

Much later, though, after tons of setup stuff, came this from her new stepson:

’She’s not dead, Lily. Mummy’s still alive.’

Open with that and you’ve got me. All the setup can be folded in as the story takes off with that. Your thoughts?

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown More than 600 free ebooks given away.

Flog a BookBubber 409-Christopher White & Monica La Porta—does this first page work for you?

In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books from BookBub. The challenge is if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.

Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.

Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.

When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

---

Here is the opening of Domino Theory, dystopian science fiction. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.

Bella Pink put it best: “The rising temperatures will be the death of fashion.”

The famous Icelandic designer might not have been thinking specifically about this unbearable Southern California heat, but her words come back to me now as I flee for my life, sweating all over my adorable, multi-layered top.

Bursting out through Special Rejects’ front doors, I come within inches of taking out the bouncer. Only a split-second instinct on my part avoids a collision that would have halted my escape before it began. As I tear down the wooden pier, my sprint draws gaping looks from the line of people waiting in line to enter the club.

“Iris!”

I hear my name shouted and see my friend Becker’s vivid crimson eyes grow comically large as I fly past.

I’ve never been so relieved to smell stinky, mosquito-ridden Venice Beach as I am now. The hot, muggy night air plasters my hair to my sweaty forehead. I hear a commotion behind me and look over my shoulder to see Thing One and Thing Two in hot pursuit. I’m frightened out of my wits, but I still laugh for a second when I wonder what the Retrievers would think about the nicknames I’ve assigned them. The moment of mirth passes, and I remember why I’m running at break-neck speed in purple boots with stiletto heels.

You can read more here. This earned 4.9 stars on Amazon. This opening has plenty going for it, starting with good “voice.” It introduces us quickly to a character that we can like and is sympathetic—she is being chased and in apparent serious jeopardy. We open in media res with plenty happening. I’m not sure I’d have opened with sartorial thoughts while being chased, but apparently this character has an ironic sense of humor. Worked for me. It’s part of a series, and I’ll likely check the others out if available on Kindle Unlimited. Your thoughts?

Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling

Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy

Science Fiction Gundown More than 600 free ebooks given away.

Flog a 99¢ BookBubber 408-Kathryn Croft—does this first page work for you?

In addition to flogging submissions by writer readers, I’m flogging books that cost 99¢, although interesting free books still get a look. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.

Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.

Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.

When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.

Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”

A First-page Checklist

• It begins to engage the reader with the character
• Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
• The character desires something.
• The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
• There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
• It happens in the NOW of the story.
• Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
• The one thing it must do: raise a story question.

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Here is the prologue of The Mother’s Secret A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that these authors should have hired an editor.

We all make mistakes. Do things that can’t be undone, no matter how much we wish we could retrace our steps, pause for a single moment to consider the consequences of our actions.

This, though, was not a mistake. I have never undertaken any action with such alacrity.

And I have no regrets.

You made your own mistakes, didn’t you? Yet up until your very last moment you didn’t doubt your judgement. Perhaps that was your biggest mistake, because maybe if you’d at least shown some remorse then I might not have struck that blow.

I had to do something to stop you.

And I was willing to do anything.

You can read more here. This earned 4.2 stars on Amazon. I think this opening illustrates the weakness of prologues, particularly those without action or a “connectable” character. This reads as if the narrator has done something violent . . . but what? To whom? Why? Without specifics, with no character, with no stakes or jeopardy to a character, these questions don’t amount to story questions. They are more what I call “information questions,” often mistaken for story questions. This wasn’t enough for me. Your thoughts?

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