Change in flogging focus:It occurs to me that free books have a very low bar to clear for making a “sale,” and their first pages don’t have to do much to clear that hurdle. But ask me to pay for a book? There’s a challenge. So I’m switching to flogging books that cost, starting with the 99¢ variety. The challenge is not that you would pay 99¢ on the basis of a single page, but if you would go to Amazon in order to turn the page a read more with the idea in mind that you might buy it.
Writers, send your prologue/first chapter to FtQ for a “flogging” critique. Email as an attachment. In your email, include your name, permission to use the first page, and, if it’s okay, permission to post the rest of the prologue/chapter.
Many of the folks who utilize BookBub are self-published, and because we hear over and over the need for self-published authors to have their work edited, it’s educational to take a hard look at their first pages. A poll follows concerning the need for an editor.
When you evaluate today’s opening page, consider how well it uses elements from the checklist of first-page ingredients from my book, Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling.
Donald Maass, literary agent and author of many books on writing, says, “Independent editor Ray Rhamey’s first-page checklist is an excellent yardstick for measuring what makes openings interesting.”
A First-page Checklist
- It begins to engage the reader with the character
- Something is wrong/goes wrong or challenges the character
- The character desires something.
- The character takes action. Can be internal or external action: thoughts, deeds, emotions. This does NOT include musing about whatever.
- There’s enough of a setting to orient the reader as to where things are happening.
- It happens in the NOW of the story.
- Backstory? What backstory? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- Set-up? What set-up? We’re in the NOW of the story.
- The one thing it must do: raise a story question.
This is the opening page of Chapter One in Get Out of Town. A poll follows the opening page below. If you don’t want to turn the page, then I’m thinking that this author should have hired an editor.
Montana Territory, early spring 1889
It was just after nightfall when Mackey found the Hancock camp. The sounds of their drunken laughter were carried on the night wind.
Mackey brought Adair to a halt and climbed down from the saddle. There were no trees or bushes nearby to tie the horse to, but the black Arabian had been in enough fights at her owner’s side that the sound of gunfire no longer startled her.
He crept up the edge of a box canyon where Henry Hancock and his gang had been hiding out since robbing the First National Bank in Tylerville two days before. They had done a poor job of hiding themselves and seemed to be in no hurry to run. Their camp was spread out beneath a craggy outcropping on the canyon floor about twenty feet below the spot from where Mackey watched them. They had a big fire going and from the way they were staggering, it looked like they had already killed one jug and were starting work on another.
Mackey wondered if the corn liquor helped dull their memory of the two guards they had killed in the bank back in Tylerville. There was some dispute among the locals as to whether or not Henry Hancock had killed both men himself. The dead men’s widows clung to that belief, hoping a death by a dangerous man like Henry Hancock would give some merit to their deaths.
But Aaron Mackey didn’t care. The new U.S. Marshal of the Montana Territory already had a federal warrant from Judge Forester for Hancock’s arrest on murders that had taken place in three other bank robberies elsewhere in the territory. A couple of dead guards tacked on the list of charges would not make the drop at the end of the hangman’s rope any harder on him. If Hancock lived long enough to hang, which was doubtful. The gang was drunk and dug in deep. The odds of them coming along peacefully were slim and the mandate from Mr. Frazer Rice had been simple: kill them all. The Hancocks were proving to be more than a nuisance to (snip)
You can read more here. This novel earned 4.8 stars on Amazon. I’ve been a fan of Westerns since I was a kid and had hopes for this one. While there are good story questions raised, the character doesn’t seem to be in real jeopardy, and his opponents are drunk and unsuspecting. The narrative dips in and out of third person close, and the writing is on the clunky side, with information dumped into what should be a limited point of view. Gets a pass from me. Your thoughts?
Cover critique
The colors and the art are eye-catching. They communicate genre just fine, and the image of a body over a saddle sure says there’s story inside. The “Western” title font is a bit cliché, but it works, and the author name is strong. Works for me. Your thoughts?
Writing Craft Mastering the Craft of Compelling Storytelling
Mystery (coming of age) The Summer Boy
Science Fiction Gundown Free ebooks.